©Cali Lili™
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In the Miliseconds of that Exchange
©Cali Lili™
All Rights Reserved
I never played “Bride” when I was a kid.
In addition to witnessing my parents’ horrendous marriage, and the “male dominance” under which my Mom continues to struggle with a “cheery lying lilt” in her voice, I had noticed that no matter how young a woman is, she becomes (in varying degrees) socially/ professionally “invisible” once she is “in a relationship,” “taken” and – especially when she is “married.”
Ever since I was a precocious teenager, I noticed that – no matter how young she is, when a young woman is no longer “fuckable” … she simply ceases to “exist” in certain social / business settings.
This phenomenon manifests itself in various obvious and not-so-obvious ways.
It also manifests itself for “femme” women, when partnered with either “butch” lesbian partners, or with a male oriented or “butch” business partner, simply by virtue of her ”femme” perspective.
One of the surprising ways, is … when one is engaged in a “social” discussion, whether it be at a party, a business meeting, or a “chance” encounter at the grocery store, the “male” or “butch” partner in the relationship, whether it be a personal or business partnership – (especially when it is both) – is generally the more “actively sought” participant in the conversation exchange.
It’s a Power thang.
When the “femme” speaks, it’s not quite as “authoritative,” her offerings to the conversation, are often politely swept away / not considered a “serious” contribution to the conversation, or ignored, brushed and rushed into a changed subject.
I understand this with “older” people, but it is most odd, when it takes place in the presence of young men / guys / lesbians in my age group.
It’s difficult to notice, without having experienced it yourself.
Many would consider it “oversensitive” or worse … a “Feminist” interpretation of “no big deal.”
I’ve dealt with it in various ways, and I am super-lucky to have had a partner who actually SEES it, but the worst aspect of this insidious social wormhole, is, it’s very invisibility.
My current Indie Feature Film and Album deal with various aspects of this topic through my work/art, but the phenomenon still takes place in “real life.”
eVe n’ god™this female is not yet rated™
Cali Lili Oscars 2020 contender
My recent experience during the Holidays, not only affirmed, the presence of this phenomena, but also left me in a dumbstruck awe.
I recognize this is one of those “you had to be there,” stories, but I am sharing it, in the hopes that it provides some solace / inspiration / warmth to anybody out there who might need “proof” of this phenomena in her/his own life/partnership.
During the “Holiday Season,” we were busily “gathering” fun items from a Health Food Store.
My Partner was approached by a man and struck up a conversation. At one point in the conversation, they shook hands.
As is the norm , my Partner, introduced me to the man,
whom not only barely acknowledged my comment, except for a quick glance at my face/body in that “checking me out” way – before attempting to return to the conversation, but also, he did not shake my hand. This is not unusual.Somewhere in the milliseconds of that exchange, both my Partner and I noticed and remarked upon the adorableness of the adorable little girl who was holding the hand of that man.
She was his daughter, or granddaughter, and she was clearly championing victory in her adorable life in the face of some form of health challenge (it was either Downs Syndrome, or something else) but she was literally “Glowing” with beauty, goodness, kindness and just plain “little-girlness.”
Well, somewhere in the milliseconds of that exchange, this adorable little girl, either read my mind, (carefully disguised under the folds of “Social Propriety / Politeness”) or she was simply on the same “feminist” wavelength,
– and then –
She powerfully grabbed hold of her grandfather/ fathers’ hand, and pulled him, – and his hand-shake hand …. toward my hand …
She gently picked up my hand … and brought our hands together … patching into the millisecond of that exchange ….
She formed a proper hand-shake, between his hand and mine, equally matching the hand-shake this man had offered to my “butch”/male oriented Partner.
She looked at me with the kind of beaming twinkle I am often blessed to experience around kids and babies, but her beam of light spoke volumes, as the flabbergasted, chagrined expression on her father/ grandfathers’ face displayed.
He was schooled and she was the teacher.
I was the grateful recipient of an amazing Holiday Gift.
Both my Partner and her father/grandfather stood in the awe and, in witness.
We all came away from the milliseconds of that exchange … quite changed.
And ready for a new year.
________________
Truli,
Cali
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In spite of having earned
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At an Impossibly Young Age,
I am Still
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Saved from an abusive childhood
By Knowing at an early age
That I am An Artist.
Saved Also
By my Teachers, who are Angels.
Blessed with Mixed Heritage,
I’m a MultiCultural “Island Girl,”
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My idea was to Create
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+
Um …
At The Cutting Edge Of “Hollywood.”
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With “A Little Help From My Friends.”
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With nowhere to go.
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When I moved to LA from NYC
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But Many were
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To My Global Sisters.
One Very Powerful Producer
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Are Dead Or Naked.”
Another Producer
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Nice Guy for the most part,
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Yikes.
I soon realized,
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I am guided by the Love + Dedication
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Truli,
Cali
~ ~ ~Dream About A Dream, About A Dream ™
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Mother Earth
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So,
One day,
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A Dream,
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In that Dream, I heard the word : “Woman”
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I heard the words : “Sisters” … and “SisterHood,”
Equal,
To the words “Brother” and “BrotherHood,”
Celebrating Every Gender Identity
On a Never Ending Spectrum
Of Love Equals Love …
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And I know
That I hear him right.
~ ~ ~
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